Ways to Annoy The Na'vi
by KaleidoscopeKreation
Summary: We proudly present YOU a list of foolproof ways to get the Na'vi - you heard right, the cool, calm, controlled Na'vi - to completely do their nut, or at the very least have a nervous breakdown! Chapter 2: Time to make the humans suffer!
1. Chapter 1: The Na'vi

**Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. DANG!!! How did this happen?! **

**But anyways. In full CGI, Technicolour detail, starring True Colours, Essence of Gold and the cast of Avatar, we give you...**

**Ways to Annoy the Na'vi**

**#1 **Wear the seeds of their sacred trees as false moustaches.

**#2 **Insist they stay totally still so that you can use their little phosphorescent spots as reading lights.

**#3 **Hang around their tree-village wearing a checked shirt and holding a large axe. It makes them nervous.

**#4 **Shred leaves absently as you speak. Snap off a twig and twirl it idly between your fingers.

**#5** Walk through the forest exclaiming at every other bush you pass. Stop for quarter-hour intervals to examine a 'really interesting pebble'. When they complain, insist that you are merely 'feeling the forest around you'.

**#6** Declare that their tails are useless and only there for show, while balancing precariously over a dizzying void.

**#7** As you watch Tsu'tey train, remark loudly, 'you know, I think Jake has the edge!' and vice-versa when watching Jake. Laugh when they snap whatever they're holding.

**#8 **Gather large handfuls of leaves, and hand them to Neytiri. When she asks you what they're for, stare pointedly at her body.

**#9 **Smoke. Ask Mo'at where she keeps her marijuana.

**#10 **When they are putting on their war paint, lunge at random people with a wet sponge, insisting that there's a smudge you absolutely must fix. Use up all their paint and offer them felt tips.

**#11** Gaze fixedly at Neytiri as she hangs opposite you in her hammock. Wait until she turns huffily away. When she ventures to turn over again, she will find that you are now staring through a large pair of binoculars. Vary your routine with various types of eyewear – novelty glasses, telescopes and a long periscope all the way up from the forest floor work well.

**#12 **'Accidentally' tread on every single tail that you pass on your way to your seat around the fire. Every. Single. Tail.

**#13** Swing Neytiri's hammock, veeerrry gently, but getting faster and faster, when she is trying to go to sleep. Time the seconds until she snaps, then complain she has 'anger issues'.

**#14** Play rap music. Loudly.

**#15** Sing along (badly) to the rap music, incorporating words of the N'avi language. Claim you are using it as a 'learning aid'.

**#16** Abandon your Avatar body at odd moments; in the middle of one of Neytiri's nature-hugging lectures or whenever there is any work to be done are good times. Of _course_ you weren't slacking, the evil general terminated your connection suddenly, risking your life and sanity! They should be sympathetic!

**#17 **Oh, and be sure to fall on top of Tsu'tey as you collapse; it will totally set off his dream-walker-phobia.

**And the killer: Upload 'I know a song that'll get on your nerves' onto the sacred tree.**

**Bwahahahaha! We have put the first parody onto the avatar fandom! Gooo US!! Oh, my brother, Thomas, made up #10. I'm sorry, I meant to put something serious on the archive first, but these were so funny I couldn't resist. XD **

**I hope you liked them! XD  
BTW, I may add another chapter to this, with ways to annoy the N'avi suggested by you guys. If you can think of any, just review or PM me! **


	2. Chapter 2: The RDA

**Ways to Annoy the RDA**

**A/N: Just to show we're even-handed, we decided to annoy the humans too. It's not necessarily the Na'vi carrying out these various japes and pranks, just some purveyor of justice, justly handing out equal annoyance to everyone it encounters. Therefore, let the chaos begin.**

**#1 **Replace the Colonel's weights with polystirine, and wait until he bounces off to boast about his new strength. Then quietly swap the polystyrene for concrete, lead or something else really heavy. Watch as he attempts to demonstrate his new weight-lifting skills.

**#2 **Videotape the aforementioned incident. Do something creative with it, preferably involving YouTube.

**#3** Dub all humans without an avatar body 'midgets'. Works especially well if they are taller than you when in human form.

**#4 **Refer to The Colonel incessantly as 'Trudy's bitch.' ('You're not the only one with a gun, bitch.)

**#5 **When you and any anti-Na'vi members of the RDA are sitting down to a meal, wait until everything is ready and then screech, "STOP! We must thank the great mother Ey'wa for this blessing which she has set before us! " (or words to that effect.) Begin to chant in Na'vi.

**#7 **Prolong the grace for up to a quarter of an hour. Improvise when you run out of genuine Na'vi prayers.

**#8 **Start singing the words, out of tune. Get up and begin to dance.

**#9 **Gyrating wildly, begin to drum on every available surface...and I mean EVERY available one, living or dead. Upsetting some container of liquid, rattling the cutlery and "accidentally" hitting your companions in the face all add to the cause.

**#10 **As soon as someone finally snaps and leaps to his/her feet in fury, meekly resume your seat and indicate that the meal may proceed.

**#11** When they just sit and gape at you, say: 'Come on, let's eat – that's the problem with you guys, you always stand on ceremony for so long!' Wait for the weeping to start.

**#12 **When several of you are at work, grow slowly still. Gaze off into space for a few moments, and then ask solemnly: '_What is man's relationship to nature?_'

**#13 **Ask the Colonel where on Earth he found a fork big enough to make that scratch on his head.

**#14 **Tut at him for self-harming.

**#15 **Glue down the feet of the battle robots. Laugh as they gently keel over.

**#16 **When the colonel tells you that you're 'not in Kansas anymore', gasp and start crying. After a while, look up hopefully and ask: 'then...is this Oz, by any chance?

**#17 **Refuse to believe that Pandora is not Oz. When Grace takes you out on deadly serious expeditions, skip on ahead singing 'Follow the Yellow Brick Road.' Pester her to admire your 'ruby slippers.'

**#18 **When Parker is knocking golf balls into his coffee cup, rig it to jingle every time he makes a successful shot. And boom. And applaud. And light up. And cry 'STRIKE!' 'SCORE!' and 'WIN!' And begin to play 'I Vow to Thee my Country.' It will go through all this before releasing his ball again. After a few successful shots this rigmarole will begin to grate on his nerves.

**#19 **When he or the Colonel mentions unobtanium, say: 'Unob_what?_'

**#20 **Bend over any man and woman you see working together, murmuring: 'You are mated for life.'

**And the killer: Side with the Na'vi in every dispute.**

**A/N: Hmm, turns out there are a lot of ways to annoy the RDA. Either that or numbers five to eleven are all the same one. The killer kinda goes without saying, I guess, but it's true. This one may not be as good as the first, but we do our best. There will probably be another chapter containing your ideas on how to annoy the Na'vi. Any ideas on how to annoy the RDA, just review or PM them!  
Thanks! **

**True and Essence**

**PS: Sorry we didn't include your ideas in this chapter - the next one will be another list of ways to annoy the Na'vi, including your suggestions :).**


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